Stop Taking Notes of His Mistakes

Through the period of 3-4 years of struggle Adam and I went through, I found myself mentally taking notes of his mistakes. Every hurt he had caused me, every time I felt resentment because of something he had done, every time I felt rejected by him, every time my heart was broken again by what seemed to be the same things just different situations. Every time I hardened a little bit more of my heart towards him, I made a mental note of it then, I tucked it away in my little suitcase of hurts and drug it along behind me for days. Letting it eat at me, letting it continue to hurt me, letting it break me and ultimately, letting it destroy me and my relationship with my husband.

I had woven his mistakes into the very fiber of my being, I had no trouble recalling them when an argument arose, or when I was home alone and the enemy was prodding at me to let them rise to the surface again. After all, I had every right to be hurt and feel the way I did is what he would whisper in my ear, and the struggle would start all over again. It was a vicious cycle of mental & emotional chaos that more than once threatened to end my marriage.

I remember several occasions where I would bring up his mistakes to him during an argument, hoping that just one time he would feel the hurt that they had caused me. And on more than one of those occasions, his words to me would be “You don’t have to remind me of how bad I have hurt you, I beat myself up for it every single day”. The first few times I heard him say it, I thought … Good! You should be beating yourself up over it! You hurt me, and I am justified in feeling the way I do.

I had let my own selfish pride convince me that nothing I did in this situation was wrong… My feelings and actions were justified because I was the one being hurt.

Have you ever heard the saying “But, God…” ? This is my but, God moment;

The last time Adam said those words to me, the ones about beating himself up, my self righteous emotions started to surface… But, God stopped me in my tracks and opened my eyes to what my husband was saying. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and sadness for the way I had acted, and for the way that I had treated my husband, in making him pay and repay over and over again for hurting me. I was appalled at what I had become and I was ashamed that I wasn’t granting my husband the forgiveness that God grants me every single day. God brought me to my knees, and humbled me to see that my husband is human, just like I am human. I had put him on a pedestal and expected perfection out of him that no human being could ever achieve.

I was wrong in taking mental notes of his mistakes, because they had blinded me to the amazing person and husband that he is. They had covered my eyes, and consumed my thoughts, and I missed out on all of the good and wonderful things that our marriage could have been during those times. I missed out on the opportunity to grow and learn together. But most of all, I hindered our spiritual growth in the Lord.

Once in a while, these things still try to raise their ugly heads, and I struggle. But, I know that God has done a great work in our marriage, and I am able to let it go and push past it for the greater good. Most importantly for the work that God has established for us in His kingdom.

Our husbands are a gift from God. They are not perfect. They are human just like we are. They don’t deserve to be treated as servants or as tread under our feet. They do not deserve to have every mistake documented and thrown in their faces whenever we feel justified. They need to be built up and honored, loved and adored. Forgiven. Just as God has forgiven us.

When we can stop taking notes and look beyond his mistakes, we have the ability to see his true identity, the man that God created him to be; A masterpiece, made in the image of God, breath of life given by his creator, precious, radiant, designed for good works, chosen and called, a co-heir with Christ, lead with integrity, a victor, righteous and holy, covered by the blood of Jesus Christ.

Father I pray that you would help us to stop making records of the mistakes or offenses that our husbands may cause. God I pray that you would please open our eyes to see the man that you have created, and that we would be able to love him with a love that comes from you. In your sons holy and precious name. Amen.

Have any of you struggled with the same thing? Please leave a comment about your own journey. I would love to share in this with you, and pray for you.

In His love,



Your Accountability Partner

Perhaps you have all heard it said that us guys need to have an accountability partner. For those of you who might not understand what that is, it’s someone that helps keep you honest with yourself and with God when you are struggling with different things. It seems like every time you turn around or even try to talk to someone about things that are going on in your life, their signature christian line is that you need an “accountability partner”. Basically, it feels like most people say this so you won’t be a bother to them, and it turns into someone else’s problem. This biggest problem that I faced with this theory is that didn’t have anyone to be my accountability partner, not to mention that I am not one to just go up to a guy and start telling them all of my issues.FB_IMG_1438191307650

With all of the struggles that my wife and I have gone through over the years, I have actually lost track of how many arguments we have had with different issues. I can see how God has brought us through all of it together and how we have grown closer as well. Looking back and thinking about all of it has gotten me thinking… Do we really need an accountability partner? And, If I do need one then why could I never find one?… What I didn’t realize before, is that God had already taken care of all that and had already given me one in my wife. In fact, I can tell you that with everything that we have experienced, your spouse is the best choice.

I know what your thinking, this guy is totally nuts. What guy in his right mind would want to open up to his wife about his feelings or struggles? Let alone, let her know in what ways he feels like he is failing as a man! NO, I’m not crazy and I will show you why. Think about it this way….

Who knows you better?… No one

Who has better connection with you?… No one

Who better to be able to know how you need encouragement?… No one

My wife knows all the ins and outs about me. What makes me tick, what makes me smile, what makes me angry, you name it, she knows it, even just by looking at me with no words having to be said. You need to fully trust that God is using your wife to push you harder, there are times when the words could be hurtful to our pride, but they need to be said. Sherri is not hesitant to tell me exactly what it is that I need to hear. At first, I would take it personal, but if you plant your feet firmly and stand against the enemy, you will see the words are constructive, and this is what God is doing with them.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”-Prov, 27:17

There will be those times when it’s hard because it is your wife. But guess what? She has higher expectations for you. She knows your full potential! Or in those moments when its been the 100th time that you’ve screwed up with the same things, and she tells you here we go again. But it has been those moments in my marriage that have brought us the closest. It can really open your eyes to things in your relationship as husband and wife that you would’ve normally missed. I have a few pointers that have helped us out;

Talk together (that means you need to listen a lot and I mean a lot)- It’s in talking to each other that you can start to build and strengthen your relationship again. It might be hard at first for one or both of you to open up and really talk about yourself personally. Try starting in simple areas, for example talk about goals you might have for yourself, your marriage or for your family. Try even going as far as to get out a notebook and write everything down in it. This is where the door starts to open and the line of communication slowly gets built. Don’t force it, allow it to flow, allow the awkward moments to happen. Most of all, don’t do things that you would have done in the past that will actually shut the door on communication again.

Learn who she is- Make sure that you taking note of different things about her, because I can tell you that she already has been doing that on you. You need to learn what she needs from you to encourage and uplift her. For the most part I think that I know these things about my wife, but there is always room for improvement. Remember that just as your relationship with Jesus grows so does hers, and because of this, the things that she needs from you start to change too. God will give you the tools you need daily, you just have to be open to the spirit and allow it to direct you. LEARN, who she is… What makes her smile? What makes her laugh? What makes her shine? What goals does she have? What is she good at? What are her God given talents and gifts? What is she passionate about? What are her dreams? … Rediscover the little things about her that you might have forgotten from when you were first dating and everything was new… What is her favorite smell? What is her favorite color? What is her favorite Dessert? What is her favorite Bible verse? What is her favorite season, holiday, movie, song, pastime etc. Then, it will give you the opportunity to use the next pointer…

Encourage her- It is your job as the husband to encourage your wife. To be honest, I know that I could personally do a lot better in this area too. This is a daily thing not just when we feel like it. Everyday Satan will attack your marriage and encouragement can help keep your wife standing firm. Also, you will see how things quickly grow emotionally between the two of you. If there is no emotional connection how can you expect there to be a physical one? Don’t be shocked to hear that the two go hand in hand. Our wives need us to emotionally connect with them, and if we are honest, we need them to emotionally connect with us as well.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
God has designed a marriage to be just as his word says. Through encouragement, you will see the return on your work,  and keep each other warm. If she is sad, it is you who can make her happy or pick her up when she falls, because you know what she needs. And if you are staying in tune with the Spirit, God will be leading you to do it in a way that is the best for her, because ultimately, He loves her. He adores her. He created her.
I know that Sherri is always the first to be right there whenever I have felt overpowered or discouraged, and I believe that God leads her to encourage and uplift me in a way that is best for me, and in a way that no other person or accountability partner outside of our marriage could.
Pray…. This is THE most important thing you need to do. If you’re anything like me, it can be one of the first areas that you start to slack in. When really, prayer is the back bone to it all, your relationship with God, your wife and your kids. Some of the hardest words I have heard from my wife but also the most encouraging at the same time are… “You need to have a back bone and firmly plant your feet to stand against the enemy. I can’t do for both of us anymore.” #eyesopened
Those are the words I feel asleep thinking about last night, and all I have to say to you about it is this;
PRAY PRAY PRAY. We need to do it personally and with our wives and children. Don’t let your prayer life slack at all! Trust me, I have, and nothing gets easier, in fact it makes everything harder for you.
I hope this will help encourage you today to be relentlessly pursing the love of God, your wife, and your family. I will be praying that it does.
God bless,

Edifying Your Husband

My 16 year old daughter decided last week that she was going to start saying things to people she didn’t know to build them up. Maybe if she saw someone standing in line behind us at the grocery store she would comment on their outfit, or maybe tell them that they had a great smile, or beautiful eyes… You get the point. When she told me I thought this is awesome, I am so proud, What a great thing to do for others! As the week went on, I had to take a step back and examine this and bring to her attention, that although what she wanted to do for people she didn’t know was a great idea, maybe she should start in her own home. As saying nice things and building others up such as her sister wasn’t happening, in fact, quite the opposite was happening and she was tearing her down. I thought about all of this for quite some time, even examining myself in my own home. God revealed a powerful truth to me, and that truth is that we would NEVER treat a stranger or even a friend the way we treat the people in our own homes, the people we are supposed to love the very most, the people we call our family, the people God Almighty has blessed us with. Let’s be honest… Take a minute seriously, and examine your own life. Ask the tough question… Would I talk to someone outside of my home the way I just talked to my husband or my child? The answer for me is NO WAY! I would NEVER! We seem to have more respect for “others” than we do our loved ones. I remember years ago when my husband and I were going through a tough spot in our marriage… And when I say tough spot I mean years… Not just a blip on the marriage map. Not just a hurdle, but a mountain, and when we would finally get to the top of the mountain Satan would push us right back down. And when I would finally get to the place where I could stand and start climbing again, the enemy’s push to destroy us would come at us like a vengeance. The toughest day of the week for us was Sunday… Getting ready for church would always end up in an argument, and I would spew ugliness out of my mouth at my husband that I am so ashamed of now. The ride to church would be a nightmare of silence with steam coming out of both of our ears. But, once we opened that church door, we put on our perfect couple faces and spoke love and life into every person we saw. Hugs, prayers, smiles… Me opening church with announcements and praying over the prayer requests, my husband delivering the word… We did church. Then, when we left church, all of the ugliness reared its head again and we spent the rest of the day battling and accusing. Sometimes even into the middle of the night, when we finally just gave up and tried to go to sleep. I remember lots of times of getting out of bed and seeing my husband on his face in the living room in the middle of the night begging God to help us. I would NEVER dream of speaking to someone the way I have spoken to my husband. And all of this has made me think… How much stronger would our relationships with the ones we love the most be if we spoke to them and treated them the way we treated a friend, a neighbor, or even our pastor? How much stronger would our homes be against the schemes of the evil one, and more importantly how much stronger of a force could we be for the kingdom of God? I just imagine the 6 of us in our family standing side by side, hand in hand, a force to be reckoned with. A small army of Christian soldiers living our lives sold out to God, and putting each other first above ourselves and letting Christ literally radiate out of that bond for others to see. I think that could preach. Amen? The Word of God says that we are to edify and build up others, and as women of God we need to build up and edify our husbands on a daily basis. (Not to encourage arrogance or pride, but to encourage them to keep going) If you want a strong marriage, and a bond that is unshakeable, I challenge you to try. Contrary to popular opinion, our guys need to hear that they are loved, appreciated and desired, just as a woman does. You may be sitting there reading this thinking why should I? He doesn’t deserve it… Build him up. He can’t even take out the garbage… Build him up. He doesn’t lead our family the way he should… Build him up. He doesn’t even know God… Even more reason to build him up! Let him see God through you. He___________. (Fill in the blank)… I get it. Build him up.

“Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.”                              -Ephesians 4:29 (AMP)

We simply cannot pray for God to strengthen our marriages, or for our husbands to start treating us with the love that the word of God says they should have for us, unless we are willing to change ourselves. And spewing ugliness out of our mouths at our husbands is just that… Ugly. It isn’t beneficial and it doesn’t edify. It tears down and rips apart. Listen, we cannot expect marital bliss and love the way that God intended it when we are not walking in the will of the Lord. So often I hear of marriages falling apart because the man is watching porn… I’m here to tell you ladies, if you are praying for God to change your man while you are lying in bed reading smut books or watching 50 shades of Grey, it’s not going to happen. You are not walking in the will of God, and you need God to cleanse and change your heart too. Guys are not the only ones failing in marriage today. Women are just as accountable. Our husbands need to hear that they are important to us. They don’t need to feel second to an obsession with some actor, or some inappropriate book. They need to feel like we appreciate them and the job they do in providing for our families, they need to feel like we desire them and still find them irresistibly attractive, and funny (Adam loves trying to make me laugh), they need to feel like we trust them to lead our family spiritually and to protect us in all situations, they need to feel like they are enough and are deserving of our love and affection, and lastly, they need to feel like men. God designed them to be men, and they need to feel like men… Admire his muscles, tell him how strong he is, let him do something for you that you know you could do by yourself… Build up your husband. Make him feel like a man. You will see an immediate difference. Then, pray, pray, pray… and pray some more. Read the word every single day! Pray alone, and pray together. Let go and let God. After all, the life God has for you in your marriage is better than any fairy tale, book or movie could ever be. It is orchestrated by Almighty God! And that… Is pretty amazing to think about! God has answered Adam & I. He has certainly refined us by fire, and the process has sometimes been excruciating, but hallelujah God answers prayer and we are stronger than ever in the Lord, and in our marriage. God is mighty to save, mighty to heal, willing and able. He desires you and your marriage. All glory and honor go to Him alone. In His love, Sherri

Pride is a dangerous thing.

Whats up guys,

I want to talk about something that might be hard or easy to handle, that all depends on YOU! I can’t count how many times I have heard people talk about how important a relationship with God is or how much we should be praying. I actually had a guy that I had never met before come up to me and tell me that I don’t pray enough. (Excuse me?!) In my mind I was thinking, “Really man you don’t even know me, how do you know how much I pray every day?”. So badly my human nature wanted to just tell this guy off right? But, thankfully the Holy Spirit kicked was there to help me keep my cool. I realized a little later that it was pride making me feel that way. At the time I felt like I had a good relationship with God. I might not have studied my Bible as much as I should have, but hey, I talked to God all day and that was good enough. (or so I thought)  There are so many different kinds of pride that I never really knew were considered prideful. I know as men its natural to have pride but the real issue is recognizing what is good and what is bad.

    ” Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

– Proverbs 13:10

i know there were points that I couldn’t stand taking advice from people, and I even still have a hard time with it once in awhile. Now, try having your wife give you advice and see how that makes you feel. Let me guess, “I am the man and I got this who needs stupid instructions” or “how do you know how I feel? You are not me.” If you can take a step back, humble yourself and take the advice, even if you do know how to do it, you will see some huge results in beating down the pride that tries to take over.

       ” A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.” Proverbs 29:2

       ” The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the LORD  alone will be exalted in that day.” Isaiah 2:11

         ” Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.”

-James 4:10 (NLT)

Sometimes swallowing the pill of humility can make us feel like garbage too, pitiful, embarrassed, or even angry. But it’s in those low moments that can really start to shed light on the man of honor God intended you to be. You just need to be open when God is trying to show you that.

        “Your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God.”

Deuteronomy 8:14

I have watched this happen to people close to me. It’s heart breaking to watch people drift away from God. It seems like when we think things are going good in our lives, we tend to leave God behind, because we feel like we don’t need Him anymore. (Things are good God, I got this now, peace out.) When in reality in those good moments, we need to press into God to keep from being tempted to drift away.

                 “Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself,                    without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. ” Galatians 6:4

                “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor”.

Proverbs 18:12

We shouldn’t be boastful about things that we can do, things we have done or things we are going to do. You should always test things with the word of God and leave it there. When we compare against others it allows Satan to have a open door to cause problems in our lives

“The LORD Almighty has a day in store for all the proud and lofty, for all that is exalted (and they will be humbled)”. -Isaiah 2:1

“I will break down your stubborn pride.”- Leviticus 26:19

“The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.”- Isaiah 2:11

“I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sins. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless.”- Isaiah 13:11

So, to wrap everything up, we need to be very careful with pride. It all comes down to our actions once again. If we can’t receive input from others with grace and maturity, then this is an area that really needs to be worked on in our lives, and in our relentless pursuit of the love of God. It’s so important than we take heed to what the word of God says about pride and humility, and start being deliberate in applying it to our personal lives. It will help out so much just in your home, in your relationships with your wives and children.


Just now, as I was sitting down writing this post, my 16 year old daughter came up and started discussing things with my wife and I about a friend of hers, and her boyfriend. It felt so good to know that I have been starting to set an example for her to follow on what kind of man she needs to look for. I told her that she should never settle for less than a man who is relentlessly pursuing Gods love, so he can lead her in her own relentless pursuit of Gods love.

This is so important, because if our relationship with God is not strong, then our marriage is going suffer. (Believe me, it will suffer)… As dumb as the personal mistakes I have made might make me feel with my older daughters, with a good sum of humility in becoming the father God has created me to be, they get an example of who the deserve in a husband.

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read this post! Remember that if you ever need prayer just comment here and I will be in prayer for you. Also you can hit me on Facebook or instagram. Everything is under therelentlesspursuitoflove.

Keep up the good fight in relentlessly pursuing the love of God, your wife and your family.


What the bible says about being a man!

Hey All,

Everyday something new comes on the news about something that has happened to a family and The lack of a father figure roll in the home is something that really resonates with me, and makes me both sad and disgusted. So I am going to share with you a little bit of my history.

I grew up without my father, he was hurt very badly in a work accident that left him badly handicapped. My mother was never married to him, and the relationship had not gone very far other than in the making of me, so it was easy for her to move on. She didn’t do much to help me keep a relationship with him at all, she was too wrapped up in drugs & alcohol and all the very wonderful guys that come with that lifestyle. I can remember a time when her boyfriend was high on meth or heroine (not sure which one) I had to run out of the house to the neighbors after watching him beat my mom and then come after me. I was 8 at the time… I was stuck with that guy in my life until I was almost 10, when I had finally had enough, and called my older sister to come and pick me up. By the time I was 10 I had tasted alcohol, I knew what Meth, Heroine, and Pot were, I knew what you needed to do them even the homemade pipes people made. I knew what sex was, and not just been told, I had watched pornography. My mom had also went to prison, so I spent a year with my aunt. The best part of all is that I had to make my own mother choose between the lifestyle or me, then I left not waiting for her decision. I made sure that if she really wanted me, she would have to totally walk away from the lifestyle and the boyfriend.

Within two years, she had moved away from the boyfriend to be with me, but she never left the lifestyle drugs & alcohol were still her family of choice. So, once again, I had to make the choice to move out. This time I didn’t give her a chance for me to come back, I never lived with her again.

Today the person who is writing this post is not the same person. It has been a long road with a lot of lessons learned the hard way. I’m so thankful that my wife is so amazing. She has been through so much crap because of me, but she stuck by me, and pointed me to the only father I have ever needed, the one who could not only teach me how to be a man of integrity & honor, but one whose life is now a reflection of the His unconditional love and guidance. I never got into drugs or became an alcoholic, but all the things a father should’ve taught his son I learned on my own. I never had an example of what kind of man I should be, as a person or as a husband. I want to give you a few examples from the life a Jesus that will show you who we should be as men. They have really helped me along my journey.

Jesus held women in such a high esteem in so many ways. He stopped one from being stoned and showed how women are people, not property. (John 8:3-11)

Jesus shows how a husband and wife are equals, in fact, He goes as far as to say that they are one flesh and nothing can separate them. (Mark 10:2-12)

Jesus uses women in His parables as the image of God (Luke 15:8-10):

Even in His last moments of pain and torture on the cross, He had to make sure that there was going to be someone who would be taking care of his mother….

 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman,here is your son,”  and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.”

That shows us great example on how He regarded women.

Lets take a look at what the Bible has to say about what a husband should be:

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— Ephesians 5:25-29

If we look in the next chapter we can see where the role as a father is touched upon:

 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.- Ephesians 6:4″

I just want to end this with saying that as a man, husband, and leader of your family, the most important thing we can do is be on our knees. The more you pray, the better your relationship with God will be and the better your relationship with your family will be. On our knees is the first place that we need to start in order to repair any relationship.I know that it is very hard, I have made up any and every excuse possible to not have time. It hasn’t helped me, the excuses have only put more strain on the relationship with my wife, and made getting to this point a lot harder.

When we seek Gods presence in our lives, only then will we start to understand what it means to be loved by someone and to really love someone the way that God has intended us to love. My prayer for all of you is that this verse will imprint on your heart as well as mine.

‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

– Jeremiah 29:13

As you start this week, I challenge you to take five minutes in the morning to seek God with all your hearts. I will be praying every morning that He will show himself to each and every one of you. If you need prayer, and would like me to be praying specifically for something in your life, please leave me a comment, or message me on my Facebook or Instagram pages.


Always be fearless in your relentless pursuit of Gods love, and the love of your family.


Pursuing your wife: Being a real Man!!!!

Hey guys, hope you have been having a blessed couple days with your wives!

Today I want to get a little serious for a bit and touch on a topic that I take pretty serious.

I grew up without a father, and my mom always with some alcoholic, abusive boyfriend. Not really a good environment for any positive examples on what kind of a man to be, but perfect for the kind of man that the world is saying more and more is okay. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I had to learn everything the hard way in my marriage.

There was at one point in time when I was feeling like I wasn’t enough for my wife and family because no matter what I did I kept failing at it. I constantly felt like I was failing at being a husband, father and a provider. Which in turn was causing my mind to wander in areas that it shouldn’t have been, making it even harder to keep from failing.

The way to avoid all this is so simple that it now makes me wonder why it was so hard for me to find it. My wife even has a hard time with understanding why what might seem so simple was actually really hard for me (doesn’t help I don’t explain things very well either) and I’m sure that I’m not alone in this battle. Here is the really simple solution…

We need to drop this image that guys can’t be sensitive, guess what we CAN!!! I think as men we get so caught up in this image of having a “man card” that we lose sight on what’s important. We need to keep in mind that women need more than just some muscle around the house. Our kids need more than a guy who gives out punishments or brings home a paycheck. We cant be scared to play with our kids for once even if that means we are going to a tea party.

You can look around and see how many marriages are failing because people start looking outside the marriage to fulfill a need that’s missing. It doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman, it’s happening way too much. Once we drop the tough guy image, then we can be that shoulder she needs, or the ear to listen about her day. We don’t always need all the answers to things or to try to fix it. We need to be sensitive for once. Also we can’t be scared to be tender towards our kids, they need to see that vulnerable side of us as well. We will pass on to our sons who they need to be, and to our daughters what kind of man she needs to be looking for, plus so much more. When we follow what the bible says about being submissive (honoring, respecting, loving, and so on) not just to our wives but to our children as well, things will change. Check Out Ephesians 5:21-33.

It breaks my heart to read in the news about another child or woman who has been abused. Or to see more and more people suffering in a broken home because the man has failed in his role as a husband or father. We need to start changing our ways now, looking to God as our compass and letting him break this chain so our kids will grow up to do greater things, and live life more abundantly than we have.


Jesus clearly set the example of all of those things while he was walking this earth as a man. God the father showed him love and compassion, then he passed that down to his disciples (aka children), He honored women, and held them in high esteem, we should be doing the same. I can look at my children and see what a difference it’s making already, they care so much for each other and for other people that it blows me away.

Another fun & loving thing you can do in the pursuit of love with your wife, (but it’s also fun with kids) is get a bunch of dry erase markers and use them on the mirrors or windows to write messages of encouragement and love to each other. My kids really love to leave me pictures on my mirror, then I get to have them tell me about what they have drawn. It is an awesome way to draw closer to each other in your relationships, as you all work together toward your relationship with God.

Don’t forget to relentlessly pursue the love of God, your wife and children this week!

See you later.


Pursuing your wife… #1

Hey Guys,

In my last post I mentioned that there was a period of about 6 months where my wife said that I was actually doing things right. I know that comes as a shock to hear that a wife actually said that her husband did something right! Haha! So I wanted to share some of my little secrets with you all… I would leave her encouraging or loving notes in random places. I would leave them in places I knew were part of her everyday (ie: the bathroom mirror, the car, her bible, coffee pot, etc…) There have even been times when I will draw a silly picture or a little love note like we used to do back in the day in school and pass it too her during church, or when we watch T.V. In the beginning it seems like it takes a lot of time or even effort, trust me I know, it was a real challenge at first. After a little while though it started to flow a lot easier, and as time has went on, it now seems natural to do it. We just need to be willing to pursue her in love, and treat her the way that God wants us to. We don’t have to worry about giving up our “man card” in doing these little things, or worry about what other men may think. We should be willing to sacrifice everything for her and make her well being of primary importance. Oneness in marriage doesn’t mean losing your personality or giving up the things you enjoy, it means caring for your wife as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate her needs, and helping her become everything that God has created her to be. In the end I promise you, this is what will matter when its just the two of you.

I have compiled an easy list of supplies you will need to get started:

1. pens or Pencils

2.  Colored pencils or Markers- if you want to make them extra special

3. Post it notes or Index cards- I use both depending on what I am doing

Then, I write on them; Things that are encouraging to her, will build her up, or the way I feel about her. I will give you a few ideas of different things you can do on your own that might help get your own ideas flowing. Below are all things that I have actually told my wife:

sticky note

1. Dig deep and tell her a reason that you fell in love with her.

ex. I fell in love with the way your hand fits with mine, like two puzzle pieces.

2. Tap into your fun side and tell her something she does that makes you happy or smile.

ex. Your laugh always makes me happy and puts a smile on my face.

3. A quality she has that you like.

ex. I love how loving of a mother you are to our kids.

4. Thank her for something that she does.

ex. Thank you for taking care of our home.

5. Dig really deep ( it might hurt)  and tell her about the way she makes you feel.

ex. To this day there are times when you make me feel nervous like a schoolboy.

Another great idea that you can use, is to write down bible verses that you could read together later that day or to help encourage her. It’s amazing how when we talk to God he will reveal verses to us to use for this. Here are a few bible verses I would recommend writing out so you can read them too. They are a great way to strengthen to your relationship as well.

1. 1 peter 4:8- In above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.

2. Ecclesiastes 4:12- Though one may be over powered by another, two can withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

3.Ephesians 4:1-3 – I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

4. Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

5. Mark 10:9-Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

As we are starting all this, when those moments of discouragement start to creep in or a fight starts with tempers flaring up, remember this from 1 cor.13: 4-8

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

 When we pursue God, pursuing our wives comes natural and easy even in those things that you are not used to doing. I know that it was not natural for me, but when I realized that she already has been encouraging me in this way, it got easier. So we need relentlessly pursue the love of God, and the love of our wives.

Always remember that with out love we have nothing.


Notice the little things to become fruitful…

Hey Guys! Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog. I want to share with you about my own personal experiences in my pursuit of love and chasing after God. First I would like to address how difficult opening up can be for us men (especially in full blown public form eh?), but we need to overcome and see it through to the end, so we can spur each other on and carry each other through the battle ground. For me it was really hard to admit in the beginning that I was prideful, and that my pride kept getting in the way of my progress in my relentless pursuit of love, because I didn’t really understand what that meant. I never realized that there was different forms of pride and thinking that I could fix everything on my own was the biggest form I struggled with.

So after a lot of mistakes, and I mean A LOT! I realized that even though I had accepted Christ in my life, I was not fully giving Him all of my heart. There was that little piece that I kept holding onto just in case I needed to fix my problems on my own. I am going to be fully transparent with you, I want to share with you my various mistakes over the years of my marriage and how I wrongly tried to fix them without the help of God, so hopefully you will see and understand how Christ is now doing all the work in me; in my pursuit of Him, in the pursuit of my wife, and in the pursuit of leading our kids towards the love and life that only God can provide for them.

The biggest hurdle I have had to overcome has definitely been being fruitful with my life. In the book of John chapter 15 Jesus is saying that we didn’t choose Him, but that He chose us. He chose us and appointed us so that we can bear fruit that will last. After I accepted Christ I started helping out in church with the worship music or wherever else help was needed and soon I started to grow and mature. Before too long I was even delivering the word on Sunday mornings, and leading a young men’s Bible study. I thought things were going really well, and that I was bearing good fruit that would last, but in all reality I was slacking in the lasting good fruit department at home. I thought that I was doing a great job, I was working really hard to provide for my family, working in church, helping out around the house when I had time after work (which was really rare that I actually had time), spending time with the kids and trying to spend time quality time with my wife. Working 5 days a week 12+ hours a day didn’t leave a lot of quality time…time. I’m sure a lot of you can probably relate to that.

One day my wife Sherri gave me an ultimatum, either my actions started showing that I loved her and that I was pursuing God in a way that would lead our family, or she was going to leave me. Wow! Is all I could think because here I was thinking that I was actually doing a good job! Now here I am thinking to my self how was I failing! Immediately, I started to try to fix things on my own. Every time we would argue about something I was or wasn’t doing I would start to try to fix that one area. Fixing my eyes on that one area and trying to make it right, would cause me to slack in another. I turned to the help of the one friend who I knew would actually listen and help me. After I laid it all out to him what was going on he had one piece of advice;

“You need to focus your entire marriage around Christ. Don’t worry about the kids as much as you should your wife, and as your marriage grows and you follow Christ together your children will be drawn in to that along side of you.”

So I started to do just that, and in doing so, God moved us to move from Utah to Oregon. We let go of everything we didn’t absolutely need, and moved. The move lasted a few weeks. No joke. Thousands of miles and dollars in a matter of weeks and we were back in Utah living at my in-laws house with no job and no home, I was feeling even more like a failure than I ever had before, not even realizing that God finally had me where He wanted me. I had no where else to turn other-than straight to Him, I had finally found something that I couldn’t fix on my own. I also found in this trial the really meaning of being prideful, and what it meant to be fruitful.

It wasn’t about what I was doing outside of my home, but what I was doing inside of it… Inside our homes, in our marriages and in the lives of our children, that is where bearing fruit will last. I found that when we focus on things out side of our homes such as work or other avenues that take up our time, that is when we really start to fall into the temptations of the flesh.

It seems to me as men and with our prideful, manly ways, its not hard for us to not be able to fully connect the dots. We fix our eyes on our circumstance or on our role as provider for our families, and we take our eyes off of God, which in turn leads to sin and not bearing fruit. As I was connecting the dots with Gods leading, He provided a very good job for me, and then a place for us to live. With a little more time and a better connection with my family, He provided us an even better place to live, a job for my wife, a great church and an awesome Christian school for my two youngest kids to attend. Now things were really looking up for me!

All of this took a little over a year to come together after we had walked away from everything we once knew to pursue where we felt God was taking us. The hardest part for me, during that year was that I was not seeing the results or you could say the “fruit” of my labor. That was so discouraging in so many ways that inside it felt like it was killing me. The worst part of it was that my wife had no idea that I was keeping all of those feelings inside or what I was going through, she couldn’t tell. I was hiding it so well by still trying do different things to mend our relationship. The reason it was killing me inside was because I wasn’t sharing any of this with her or the one person I should’ve been which was God. Even though He knows all the thoughts of our hearts I wasn’t actually saying it to Him, so in turn I was not allowing Him to help.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, I got a job offer to move back to the place (Egypt or our spiritual desert as we call it) where all of this had first started. We were literally coming full circle, and it made no sense. After praying about it, I felt like God was saying yes we are suppose to move back. I took the job offer without coming to an agreement about it with my wife and started the moving process.This caused my marriage and my family to start falling back apart which once again caused that feeling of failing all over again.*Insert L on forehead here*

After the move my wife opened up to me about how in this place (the desert) I am a different man, and how she missed the man I had become prior. Woah! That really caused me to take a step back and say how did i miss all of that? How did I miss how happy she was and how great I was doing with the kids? How did I let a job offer blind me to what we had become? So i opened up to her about the way i was feeling, the discouragement, the anger and the frustration of thinking I was doing the right thing for our family, but it was only causing strife. I have never opened up to her or to anyone for that matter all the personal feelings I shared with her that day.

She suggested that I start writing a blog to share my experiences and struggles in hopes of helping others through theirs. When I finally took the steps to do so, God ripped down the door and showed me in the most humbling way that this whole time I was missing the fruit of my labor!

During the maybe 6 month time frame that I was actually doing things right (and plainly missing it) I was leaving my wife little love notes in random places everyday or I would write on her mirror something special a couple times a week to let her know how amazing she really is, and how much I love her. *Now to the part about the door being ripped down… Also, during that time and even up to now our kids write us little notes or even write on our mirrors too, but I just thought that it was cute and sweet. Then, about a week ago my 6 year old little man wrote me a message on my bathroom mirror, it was a picture of two people that he had labeled dad & Dax Under the picture he wrote I love you so so much!

And that’s when I felt God say “See what you were doing and who I created you to be inside is teaching your kids how to really love some one.” That hit me so hard and opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking! God was moving in a way that I never even gave a second thought to, it was just something I did, and it was bearing the image of Christ and the fruit of pursuing him to my kids.

I would encourage you to look into your own lives for the bearing of the image of Christ and the fruit of your labor taking hold. It might be in places that you never expected, or that just look like something ordinary. So take that extra moment as some would say “To stop and smell the roses”.

I hope that you will continue to walk with me as I share with you the different things God has shown me about myself so that I can in turn be used in those experiences to help others who might be going through the same things for His glory.

I would love to connect with you and pray for, or with you, just leave me a comment or hit me up on Facebook or Instagram.

Always remember to relentlessly pursue the love of God and your family!!


The 411

Hey everyone!

I just thought that I would take a moment to tell you what our goal for this blog is. First of all, it’s going to be for the men out there, I know when I was looking around for advice I couldn’t ever find any, so a portion of this is written by a guy for the guys.

The other part is for the gals, (yeah, we couldn’t have a blog about marriage without including the strong ones who stand beside us men) written by my amazing, gifted wife.

We are going to be honest with all of our posts, and with any comments that might get left. We believe in the bible and everything that it says as far as how we are to live and portray the image of Christ. With that being said, we are here to help encourage you in your walk with God, with your role as a spouse or future spouse, as parents or future parents, and in any other relationships formed along the way. We will be praying daily for all of you that read our posts, and hope that they will impact your relationships in a positive way in your relentless pursuit of love.