Perhaps you have all heard it said that us guys need to have an accountability partner. For those of you who might not understand what that is, it’s someone that helps keep you honest with yourself and with God when you are struggling with different things. It seems like every time you turn around or even try to talk to someone about things that are going on in your life, their signature christian line is that you need an “accountability partner”. Basically, it feels like most people say this so you won’t be a bother to them, and it turns into someone else’s problem. This biggest problem that I faced with this theory is that didn’t have anyone to be my accountability partner, not to mention that I am not one to just go up to a guy and start telling them all of my issues.
With all of the struggles that my wife and I have gone through over the years, I have actually lost track of how many arguments we have had with different issues. I can see how God has brought us through all of it together and how we have grown closer as well. Looking back and thinking about all of it has gotten me thinking… Do we really need an accountability partner? And, If I do need one then why could I never find one?… What I didn’t realize before, is that God had already taken care of all that and had already given me one in my wife. In fact, I can tell you that with everything that we have experienced, your spouse is the best choice.
I know what your thinking, this guy is totally nuts. What guy in his right mind would want to open up to his wife about his feelings or struggles? Let alone, let her know in what ways he feels like he is failing as a man! NO, I’m not crazy and I will show you why. Think about it this way….
Who knows you better?… No one
Who has better connection with you?… No one
Who better to be able to know how you need encouragement?… No one
My wife knows all the ins and outs about me. What makes me tick, what makes me smile, what makes me angry, you name it, she knows it, even just by looking at me with no words having to be said. You need to fully trust that God is using your wife to push you harder, there are times when the words could be hurtful to our pride, but they need to be said. Sherri is not hesitant to tell me exactly what it is that I need to hear. At first, I would take it personal, but if you plant your feet firmly and stand against the enemy, you will see the words are constructive, and this is what God is doing with them.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”-Prov, 27:17
There will be those times when it’s hard because it is your wife. But guess what? She has higher expectations for you. She knows your full potential! Or in those moments when its been the 100th time that you’ve screwed up with the same things, and she tells you here we go again. But it has been those moments in my marriage that have brought us the closest. It can really open your eyes to things in your relationship as husband and wife that you would’ve normally missed. I have a few pointers that have helped us out;
Talk together (that means you need to listen a lot and I mean a lot)- It’s in talking to each other that you can start to build and strengthen your relationship again. It might be hard at first for one or both of you to open up and really talk about yourself personally. Try starting in simple areas, for example talk about goals you might have for yourself, your marriage or for your family. Try even going as far as to get out a notebook and write everything down in it. This is where the door starts to open and the line of communication slowly gets built. Don’t force it, allow it to flow, allow the awkward moments to happen. Most of all, don’t do things that you would have done in the past that will actually shut the door on communication again.
Learn who she is- Make sure that you taking note of different things about her, because I can tell you that she already has been doing that on you. You need to learn what she needs from you to encourage and uplift her. For the most part I think that I know these things about my wife, but there is always room for improvement. Remember that just as your relationship with Jesus grows so does hers, and because of this, the things that she needs from you start to change too. God will give you the tools you need daily, you just have to be open to the spirit and allow it to direct you. LEARN, who she is… What makes her smile? What makes her laugh? What makes her shine? What goals does she have? What is she good at? What are her God given talents and gifts? What is she passionate about? What are her dreams? … Rediscover the little things about her that you might have forgotten from when you were first dating and everything was new… What is her favorite smell? What is her favorite color? What is her favorite Dessert? What is her favorite Bible verse? What is her favorite season, holiday, movie, song, pastime etc. Then, it will give you the opportunity to use the next pointer…
Encourage her- It is your job as the husband to encourage your wife. To be honest, I know that I could personally do a lot better in this area too. This is a daily thing not just when we feel like it. Everyday Satan will attack your marriage and encouragement can help keep your wife standing firm. Also, you will see how things quickly grow emotionally between the two of you. If there is no emotional connection how can you expect there to be a physical one? Don’t be shocked to hear that the two go hand in hand. Our wives need us to emotionally connect with them, and if we are honest, we need them to emotionally connect with us as well.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12