All I have is His

I have had a lot of time to myself the last two weeks as Dax & Teighe have been on a little vaca with their aunt, and the Lord knows that my teenagers are never home. So I have spent a lot of time doing whatever I wanted to do, and a lot of time listening for the still small voice of Jesus to whisper into those places that I have needed to hear Him, and for the rushing power of the Holy Spirit to pour out on me. Praise God that both things have happened and I feel so refreshed and renewed! Now, if only all of this could have happened by the sea. 😉

I have so many things that I want to write about, but the Lord keeps pressing me to share something that happened in our family just last week. I hope that our story gives you hope and joy and victory in those places that seem impossible to reach. God is faithful…

It was Monday, and the stress and anxiety of an incident that had happened with our oldest daughters boyfriend on Saturday still had me wound tight. Adam and I had spent countless hours on Sunday talking to our daughter about the incident, and all of the other things leading up to it that we had seen happening over the last year. We had counseled and given her every piece of advice we could give, we were worn out, the ball was now left in her court. On Monday, she would go to his house and talk to him about it, which honestly put another bee in my bonnet. He should have been running to her to fix the situation, but instead, once again she was running to him.

After she left, I started cleaning and praying… Lord, please don’t let her fall for his excuses. Please give her a voice. Please let her see her value through you, not through him. God, give her a man who unabashedly chases after you. God, give her a man who will put her second only to you. Father, give her a man who has integrity and good character. Give her a man who is respectful, and who is respected by those around him. God, give her a man who is a warrior, a provider, a strong tower. God, give her a man who will lead his family only towards you… That’s what I want for her God, that’s what I want for her God, That’s what I want for her God.

In tears I prayed and pleaded with God for a long time before He finally stopped me, and this is what He spoke to me.

You have been praying for the spouses of your children since before each of them were born. I have heard your prayers. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

God went on with scripture after scripture reminding me that I don’t need to be fearful of the things I feel I have no control over, or the decisions that are out of my hands. If I have prayed for it, then I can be confident that if it is according to His will, he hears me and I will receive whatever I have asked him for.

Now, catch this because it’s POWERFUL!!! This was the boom, and I felt like I was walking with giants after God revealed this to me…


  • “THEREFORE!” When you come to a “therefore” in the Bible, you should check to see what it is THERE FOR! You see, the word tells us that what’s about to be presented is based on what’s already been said. The idea is, in view of the facts just given, here is a statement of conclusion that follows.)

I see what you did there God. Thank you! 😉


Only two things can happen in this situation. Either he is going to straighten up, and become the man that I have been praying for. Or, he is going to dig his own grave and the man that I have been praying for is going to come in and sweep her off her feet.

Boom! That’s it. Nothing to fear my friends. Remain in the confidence that you can approach the throne of grace with boldness so that you may find mercy, and the grace to help you in your time of need.

Be fierce and fearless in this grace filled life.



Giants in your way?

I don’t winter well… I refuse. I absolutely loathe winter and all that comes with it. The snow, the cold, the dead trees and drab scenery. So I just don’t. I don’t even own a coat, and yes, my flip flops stay out all year.

When the seasons start to change in the fall and the excitement of the holidays come knocking at my door I get excited for cooler weather, sweaters, boots, hot cocoa, baking and spending time with family reflecting on our many blessings and focusing on the birth of Jesus, then setting goals for the new year. But… As quickly as it comes and goes, is as quickly as I lose my excitement for the changing weather. When Christmas is over, I am done and I want the sunshine and beauty of summer back.

We set goals in the beginning of the new year hoping to create a better version of ourselves, thinking that if we could just change this or that about ourselves we would be happy or content. We fill up our lives with to do lists and to don’t lists. We overbook and over-schedule our lives so much that we leave no room for God to do what He wants to do in our lives. We fabricate a plan and a vision of what think we want our lives to look like, and then we either leave God out of it, or we present it to Him and tell Him that this is what we want, this is what we need. If He would only make your lives exactly like the picture we have drafted for Him, then we would be able serve Him well. We would be happy and content, and full of joy and peace. We would want for nothing more and we would be far better equipped to point others to Him. But, this is so basic…

The word of God says that we are created for more, we are created with a God given purpose, we are created for signs and wonders from the Lord almighty. But with our human brain we try to compartmentalize God, we put up walls inside our minds and try to put limits on a limitless God.

10 years ago, God spoke very plainly to me as I was standing in the bathroom of my parents house getting ready. I had just been through a divorce, and was staying with my parents who were so gracious to welcome me in. God told me in that moment that I was going to work in women’s ministry in a very big way and even gave me a visual to go along with it. At the time I scoffed at God and told him I was pretty sure He had the wrong girl. Didn’t He remember who I was? I was the girl that up until this point had never been successful at anything, in fact I’m pretty sure I had messed up more than I had ever accomplished and there was absolutely no way a wretch like me could ever become what the picture He put in my mind was. I walked away laughing, but also feeling sick to my stomach. Because more than anything did I wish that what I saw could be my life, but I had already failed at 30+ years of life so far and at this point I’m not getting any younger, so my life is going to be what it is, and I just need to accept that I could never be used in a might way by almighty God.

You see, I exchanged the truth of God for a lie. I tried to take my life out of the hands of God, I tried to tell the King of the World that He couldn’t use my life for His glory. The very God who created me from the dust, the one who has numbered my days, the one who knows every hair on my head; I tried to make small the infinite God, the one who holds it all, the one who has set in motion every moment of my life, the one who created me for a purpose that is so much bigger than I can even comprehend.

I had made what I perceived my life to be a giant standing between me and the life God had planned for me. But God is relentless in His pursuit of us, and as we surrender our will and what we think we need or want for His, the giant starts to fall and what seemed impossible is now possible.

What limits are you setting on God in your life? Have you designed a box for God and put His abilities in it thinking that where you have been or where you come from automatically disqualifies you from the life you were purposed to live? What giants are standing in your way?

Your purpose and your dreams do not have to be limited to what you think you can achieve based on what you see or where you fit in with the world. God owns it all! Tear down the walls you have built for Him, take Him out of the box, chase after what He has for you and watch your giants fall!

*Now to him who is able to do immesaurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen. -Ephesians 3:20

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. -Ephesians 4:1




One Simple word…

I am a little behind on the new years resolution thing… Not that I didn’t come up with some things I would like to accomplish this year, just that I haven’t had the time to plan them out. With a new years resolution, most people “resolve” to become a better version of themselves, i.e. health, weight loss, being more organized, getting out of debt etc… Out with the old, in with the new right?

However, if you are anything like me, those resolutions quickly fade into the chaos of everyday life, and I eventually end up criticizing myself for my self imposed “failure” once again.

Which brings me to the point of this post. In order for us to be successful at anything we want to do, we must be committed and intentional. That’s why this year I have chosen one word that will keep me on track to achieving the things I really want to achieve.

Are you ready for it?… DELIBERATE

I need to be deliberate in all things.

  1. God: I need to be deliberate in my desperate pursuit of God and His word.
  2. Health: I need to be deliberate in the care of my body, I can’t lose weight or be healthy if I am not being deliberate about the things I am putting in it or being active.
  3. Unplugging: I need to be deliberate about putting my phone away and being present in my home. Picking up our phones and scrolling on social media has become a shocking habit that I am definitely guilty of.
  4. Time: What and who am I spending my time on? What gets the most of my attention? I feel like this one goes somewhat hand and hand with point number 3… I need to spend less time reading about other peoples lives and focus on my own. Also, I have a very hard time just letting the dishes or laundry go to spend time relaxing or laughing with my family. I need to be deliberate about just letting things go that will still be there later.

All of this comes full circle back to God. He needs to be first and foremost, he is the giver of all things and the sustainer of the strength and endurance I need to effectively live my life the way he designed it.


When Time Doesn’t Stand Still

My sister passed away a year ago today, and sometimes I still find myself wondering how time has went on and how have we continued to go through the mundane tasks of everyday life day after day without her here, when it seems like time should have just stood still.

I remember very vividly those moments shortly after she passed. I had arrived at her home with my parents just minutes after she took her last breath, and what transpired at that time felt like a scene from The Matrix. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as I watched my mother scream and wail “Oh baby girl, I was coming, I was coming, I was coming!” Over and over and over again. The immense pain that I witnessed was something I would never wish on anyone, and all I wanted to do was take it away from her. I watched helplessly as her heart was quite literally being ripped from her chest, as she cried out in agony with the sorrow I think only a mother who has lost a child could feel… Then, somehow miraculously, her motherly instincts took over, she stopped and composed herself, then very tenderly took the oxygen tubes from my sisters nose, turned off the machine and wept as she stroked the head of her first born child until her knees buckled beneath her.

As the day went on, and people came and went to pay their respects I kept thinking to myself “Why hasn’t everything stopped? Why are there still people driving by, and kids playing in their yards? Why don’t they stop? Don’t they know what just happened? Don’t they know that my big sister isn’t here with us anymore? Don’t they know that my parents just lost their daughter? Don’t they know that her husband just lost his wife of 40 years? Don’t they know that her kids just lost their mom, and her grandchildren just lost their grandma? Why isn’t time standing still? How can life continue to go on?” I kept trying to make sense of how and why things were still business as usual outside of the four walls we were contained in, I kept praying for God to reveal something to me that I could use and that I could lean on for comfort. Here is what he showed me…

Time is in His hands.We were created by Him and for Him, for a time and for a season. Our days were numbered before even one of them came to pass.

I still miss my sister terribly, and my heart still aches when I think of the loss that her husband, children and the rest of her family have suffered, but there is also a part of me that envies her entrance into the Heavenly realm where she now sits at the feet of Jesus and gets to look on His beautiful face. I know that pain, sadness, loss, sickness, stress, exhaustion and the ugliness of this world are no more for her. She has joy unspeakable, she is happy and beautiful, she dances and she sings and she is at peace.

When we had her memorial service, it was a packed house, there were people lined up out of the doors that had come to celebrate her life with us… I want to leave a legacy like that. Not for the fanfare, not to say that hundreds of people showed up to celebrate me, but to know that I have pursued and loved relentlessly every single day, every single person that God has placed in my life.

Our time, our lives are in His hands and he is always on time, even when we don’t understand why. We will not live a day longer than He has ordained for us, nor will we live a day shorter than He has allowed.

He is all knowing. He has a purpose and a plan for everyday of our lives, and I can’t wait until I get to see how all of the pieces of this crazy, wonderful, sometimes heartbreaking life fit together for His glory in the end.






Can you talk…

My question to everyone out there right now is can you speak? Can you speak out loud in a crowed place or quietly in your own mind? What about with your spouse or friends could you speak? I’m sure right now your thinking what kind of dumb question is that. When really it’s not dumb at all. I just removed all the excuses as to why you can’t speak with God.

It really doesn’t matter what form of communication you use to speak, as long as you can let’s talk with God.

Far too many of us my self included like to say that we can’t speak because we don’t know the words or we are not good with words. So how can I talk with God or to others about Him????

The answer is so simple that we miss it daily. When Jesus himself was here he was lacking one thing to start his ministry, and it’s the same thing we lack. Its AUTHORITY that is given to us by God.

When Jesus was baptized he received the Holy Spirit which have him the authority needed to do everything he did. So when we do the same and accept Jesus into our hearts as our Lord and Saviour, we now have the same authority…

So I think it’s about time we start exercising it in our lives. We have such a great power to start speaking God’s blessing into our lives. We need to speak love into our relationships with family and friends. Speaking Jesus Christ into others lives. Also to tell Satan to get behind us and that he has no control over us.

I pray reading this will help encourage you to dive into His word and use the authority given to us. God wishes we all are blessed and lives by Him so let’s start speaking it into our lives and no more negativity.

Remember to never give up the relentless pursuit of His love for you and let’s use it.








Stop Taking Notes of His Mistakes

Through the period of 3-4 years of struggle Adam and I went through, I found myself mentally taking notes of his mistakes. Every hurt he had caused me, every time I felt resentment because of something he had done, every time I felt rejected by him, every time my heart was broken again by what seemed to be the same things just different situations. Every time I hardened a little bit more of my heart towards him, I made a mental note of it then, I tucked it away in my little suitcase of hurts and drug it along behind me for days. Letting it eat at me, letting it continue to hurt me, letting it break me and ultimately, letting it destroy me and my relationship with my husband.

I had woven his mistakes into the very fiber of my being, I had no trouble recalling them when an argument arose, or when I was home alone and the enemy was prodding at me to let them rise to the surface again. After all, I had every right to be hurt and feel the way I did is what he would whisper in my ear, and the struggle would start all over again. It was a vicious cycle of mental & emotional chaos that more than once threatened to end my marriage.

I remember several occasions where I would bring up his mistakes to him during an argument, hoping that just one time he would feel the hurt that they had caused me. And on more than one of those occasions, his words to me would be “You don’t have to remind me of how bad I have hurt you, I beat myself up for it every single day”. The first few times I heard him say it, I thought … Good! You should be beating yourself up over it! You hurt me, and I am justified in feeling the way I do.

I had let my own selfish pride convince me that nothing I did in this situation was wrong… My feelings and actions were justified because I was the one being hurt.

Have you ever heard the saying “But, God…” ? This is my but, God moment;

The last time Adam said those words to me, the ones about beating himself up, my self righteous emotions started to surface… But, God stopped me in my tracks and opened my eyes to what my husband was saying. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and sadness for the way I had acted, and for the way that I had treated my husband, in making him pay and repay over and over again for hurting me. I was appalled at what I had become and I was ashamed that I wasn’t granting my husband the forgiveness that God grants me every single day. God brought me to my knees, and humbled me to see that my husband is human, just like I am human. I had put him on a pedestal and expected perfection out of him that no human being could ever achieve.

I was wrong in taking mental notes of his mistakes, because they had blinded me to the amazing person and husband that he is. They had covered my eyes, and consumed my thoughts, and I missed out on all of the good and wonderful things that our marriage could have been during those times. I missed out on the opportunity to grow and learn together. But most of all, I hindered our spiritual growth in the Lord.

Once in a while, these things still try to raise their ugly heads, and I struggle. But, I know that God has done a great work in our marriage, and I am able to let it go and push past it for the greater good. Most importantly for the work that God has established for us in His kingdom.

Our husbands are a gift from God. They are not perfect. They are human just like we are. They don’t deserve to be treated as servants or as tread under our feet. They do not deserve to have every mistake documented and thrown in their faces whenever we feel justified. They need to be built up and honored, loved and adored. Forgiven. Just as God has forgiven us.

When we can stop taking notes and look beyond his mistakes, we have the ability to see his true identity, the man that God created him to be; A masterpiece, made in the image of God, breath of life given by his creator, precious, radiant, designed for good works, chosen and called, a co-heir with Christ, lead with integrity, a victor, righteous and holy, covered by the blood of Jesus Christ.

Father I pray that you would help us to stop making records of the mistakes or offenses that our husbands may cause. God I pray that you would please open our eyes to see the man that you have created, and that we would be able to love him with a love that comes from you. In your sons holy and precious name. Amen.

Have any of you struggled with the same thing? Please leave a comment about your own journey. I would love to share in this with you, and pray for you.

In His love,