In my last post I mentioned that there was a period of about 6 months where my wife said that I was actually doing things right. I know that comes as a shock to hear that a wife actually said that her husband did something right! Haha! So I wanted to share some of my little secrets with you all… I would leave her encouraging or loving notes in random places. I would leave them in places I knew were part of her everyday (ie: the bathroom mirror, the car, her bible, coffee pot, etc…) There have even been times when I will draw a silly picture or a little love note like we used to do back in the day in school and pass it too her during church, or when we watch T.V. In the beginning it seems like it takes a lot of time or even effort, trust me I know, it was a real challenge at first. After a little while though it started to flow a lot easier, and as time has went on, it now seems natural to do it. We just need to be willing to pursue her in love, and treat her the way that God wants us to. We don’t have to worry about giving up our “man card” in doing these little things, or worry about what other men may think. We should be willing to sacrifice everything for her and make her well being of primary importance. Oneness in marriage doesn’t mean losing your personality or giving up the things you enjoy, it means caring for your wife as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate her needs, and helping her become everything that God has created her to be. In the end I promise you, this is what will matter when its just the two of you.
I have compiled an easy list of supplies you will need to get started:
1. pens or Pencils
2. Colored pencils or Markers- if you want to make them extra special
3. Post it notes or Index cards- I use both depending on what I am doing
Then, I write on them; Things that are encouraging to her, will build her up, or the way I feel about her. I will give you a few ideas of different things you can do on your own that might help get your own ideas flowing. Below are all things that I have actually told my wife:
1. Dig deep and tell her a reason that you fell in love with her.
ex. I fell in love with the way your hand fits with mine, like two puzzle pieces.
2. Tap into your fun side and tell her something she does that makes you happy or smile.
ex. Your laugh always makes me happy and puts a smile on my face.
3. A quality she has that you like.
ex. I love how loving of a mother you are to our kids.
4. Thank her for something that she does.
ex. Thank you for taking care of our home.
5. Dig really deep ( it might hurt) and tell her about the way she makes you feel.
ex. To this day there are times when you make me feel nervous like a schoolboy.
Another great idea that you can use, is to write down bible verses that you could read together later that day or to help encourage her. It’s amazing how when we talk to God he will reveal verses to us to use for this. Here are a few bible verses I would recommend writing out so you can read them too. They are a great way to strengthen to your relationship as well.
1. 1 peter 4:8- In above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.
2. Ecclesiastes 4:12- Though one may be over powered by another, two can withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
3.Ephesians 4:1-3 – I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
4. Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
5. Mark 10:9-Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
As we are starting all this, when those moments of discouragement start to creep in or a fight starts with tempers flaring up, remember this from 1 cor.13: 4-8
“ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
When we pursue God, pursuing our wives comes natural and easy even in those things that you are not used to doing. I know that it was not natural for me, but when I realized that she already has been encouraging me in this way, it got easier. So we need relentlessly pursue the love of God, and the love of our wives.
Always remember that with out love we have nothing.