God

When Time Doesn’t Stand Still

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My sister passed away a year ago today, and sometimes I still find myself wondering how time has went on and how have we continued to go through the mundane tasks of everyday life day after day without her here, when it seems like time should have just stood still.

I remember very vividly those moments shortly after she passed. I had arrived at her home with my parents just minutes after she took her last breath, and what transpired at that time felt like a scene from The Matrix. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as I watched my mother scream and wail “Oh baby girl, I was coming, I was coming, I was coming!” Over and over and over again. The immense pain that I witnessed was something I would never wish on anyone, and all I wanted to do was take it away from her. I watched helplessly as her heart was quite literally being ripped from her chest, as she cried out in agony with the sorrow I think only a mother who has lost a child could feel… Then, somehow miraculously, her motherly instincts took over, she stopped and composed herself, then very tenderly took the oxygen tubes from my sisters nose, turned off the machine and wept as she stroked the head of her first born child until her knees buckled beneath her.

As the day went on, and people came and went to pay their respects I kept thinking to myself “Why hasn’t everything stopped? Why are there still people driving by, and kids playing in their yards? Why don’t they stop? Don’t they know what just happened? Don’t they know that my big sister isn’t here with us anymore? Don’t they know that my parents just lost their daughter? Don’t they know that her husband just lost his wife of 40 years? Don’t they know that her kids just lost their mom, and her grandchildren just lost their grandma? Why isn’t time standing still? How can life continue to go on?” I kept trying to make sense of how and why things were still business as usual outside of the four walls we were contained in, I kept praying for God to reveal something to me that I could use and that I could lean on for comfort. Here is what he showed me…

Time is in His hands.We were created by Him and for Him, for a time and for a season. Our days were numbered before even one of them came to pass.

I still miss my sister terribly, and my heart still aches when I think of the loss that her husband, children and the rest of her family have suffered, but there is also a part of me that envies her entrance into the Heavenly realm where she now sits at the feet of Jesus and gets to look on His beautiful face. I know that pain, sadness, loss, sickness, stress, exhaustion and the ugliness of this world are no more for her. She has joy unspeakable, she is happy and beautiful, she dances and she sings and she is at peace.

When we had her memorial service, it was a packed house, there were people lined up out of the doors that had come to celebrate her life with us… I want to leave a legacy like that. Not for the fanfare, not to say that hundreds of people showed up to celebrate me, but to know that I have pursued and loved relentlessly every single day, every single person that God has placed in my life.

Our time, our lives are in His hands and he is always on time, even when we don’t understand why. We will not live a day longer than He has ordained for us, nor will we live a day shorter than He has allowed.

He is all knowing. He has a purpose and a plan for everyday of our lives, and I can’t wait until I get to see how all of the pieces of this crazy, wonderful, sometimes heartbreaking life fit together for His glory in the end.

Blessings,

Sherri

 

 

 

Testimony

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Recently I have been observing our two teenage daughters and their personal walks with Christ. Our daughters know Christ, but seem to have put him on the back burner as of late. Replacing the time spent with him, doing other things. It has grieved my heart, and I prayed to God about it asking him why they don’t see the importance of putting him first, after all they are saved, they go to church, they live in a christian home and have christian boyfriends. God answered me in a way that made my mom heart drop to the pit of my stomach. He said this; “Because, they don’t have a testimony yet.”

As a follower of Christ, and as a seasoned veteran of the things that our testimonies are built out of, with tears in my eyes I thought “Oh Lord… I wish they didn’t have to.” But, they have to.

You see, our testimonies are made in those places of struggle and in those places of peace beyond our understanding. Our testimonies are built when we go through times of plenty and times of famine.Our testimonies are refined in those places of loss and heartbreak.  Our testimonies are strengthened in that place where we don’t have the courage to get up off of our knees because the pain is too much to bear. Our testimonies are discovered when God allows us to move to a place where we have always wanted to live, and then sends us back to our desert. Our testimonies are God in us, God with us, God before us and God beside us. They are the place where God is glorified because of His goodness, His mercy and His grace to us. At the end of the day, our testimonies are what sustain us.

As a mom, I pray that their testimonies will come easily, and that they won’t have to go through the seasons I have been through to get there. But I also know and trust that God has  purpose and plan for them that surpasses my human understanding. In the end He will be glorified through their testimonies, and that is what matters above anything I could ever hope for. After all, they belong to Him. I am just blessed to be their tour guide.

Blessings

Sherri